If You Don’t Have Anything Good to Say

Don’t say anything at all.

That’s where I’ve been, lately. Things are not going very well and I’ve been too worn out to try to write, and even if I hadn’t been, all I would be able to do is complain. So I’ve stayed away.

I’m really battling the depression lately. Only it’s gotten to be more than that. I feel like I’m about to crack. Actually, more like I’ve already cracked and I’m just trying to hold the pieces together with scotch tape and bubble gum. The pressure is so great that I know it won’t last. Every day I lose another piece, but I’m fucking trying.

Right now, I’d like nothing more than to drop them. My mental strength is flagging and I’m just so tired. I can’t though, as badly as I want to. I’ve got to keep it together because, who would keep the kids while I get a little brain break? So I’ll keep going.

There are a LOT of things bothering me, but also one or two good things (besides my children being healthy and happy, of course). I have great friends who are there for me and care about me as much as I care about them. It’s so helpful to know people are pulling for me.

I changed my name on Facebook back to my maiden name and I’ve reconnected with a couple of highschool friends. That’s amazing. What’s more amazing is that I still like them. A new friendship is blossoming from an old one, and there’s no telling where it might lead.

I have a job. I hate some aspects of my job, but there’s potential in the near future (so they say) for me to have a branch of my own. That would alleviate a lot of the stress I have from work right now. I still have a job, even though I cussed out my boss yesterday. So I’m very lucky for that.

I’ve come to a decision about something I’ve been waffling over. I don’t know exactly how to put it in motion, but at least I’ve decided.

My divorce is closer to being final. I still don’t have a court date, but it’s bound to be closer.

I made an appointment with a psychiatrist. At least I think I did. I definitely made an appointment, but now I’m not sure if it was a psychiatrist or a psychologist. I’m really hoping for the former. I need meds. I need them now. I only need to keep it together until March 9.

Until then, I keep on keeping on. Faking it til I’m making it. All that shit. And focusing on the things that make me happy.

Published in: on February 24, 2010 at 11:23 pm  Comments (8)  
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